Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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