...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
