check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
