Moan for me like Helen Keller
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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