Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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