Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
