I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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