I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
