I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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