Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
