Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
