I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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