I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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