ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
