he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
