Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
