My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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