I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
