I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
