Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
