I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
