We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
