one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
