I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
