Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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