he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
