im holly from the hills drunk
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I need moral support for this bender
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
