The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
