"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
