so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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