I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
