Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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