I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
