We're facebook friends in real life
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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