final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
