quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
