I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
