Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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