So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
