It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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