help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
