U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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