How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
