i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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