nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
