my mouth tastes like poor choices
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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