I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't deserve a penis
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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