She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He felt like a one man threesome
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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