Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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