and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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