Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
