Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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