Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
