were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
